can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
