I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize