That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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