apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
