discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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