i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
