Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
