i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
