That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
