you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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