Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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