dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
