It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
