Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize