I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
