Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
