Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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