in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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