He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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