I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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