i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
