its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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