I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
