Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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