nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
