put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You made out with two different species that night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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