Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
