instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
