im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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