never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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