do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
