So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just pynch a tree in the face
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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