she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
