Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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