So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
