hell yes lets make some ravioli
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
