The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
