and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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