I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
