I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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