so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
