I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
someone owes me an orgasm
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize