No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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