At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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