i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
