What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
