I could have mohawked her pubes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
