You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
soo... how was my night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize