Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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