i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
