i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
