9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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