i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
