he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
