So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
