Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
