you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
