Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
