Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize