you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
