i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
