I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize