I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
