He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
