this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
