But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize