Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
