You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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