No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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