I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
