I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
