Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
