Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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