I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why do cheetos always look like penises
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
