So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
