i permit you to call me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
