I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
