thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
