Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
