I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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