Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
