At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
