Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
