the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
