Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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