oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
