Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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