He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
