STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
