Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
