i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
