1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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