He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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