I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
