tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
