i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sex in a hospital.. check
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
