i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize