seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
