You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
