dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
