Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
