Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
