is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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