i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
