Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
