I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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