The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
