Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
