i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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