just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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