She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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