i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
