This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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