Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
