He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
