That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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