I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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